LustyMUD Odds and Ends

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This MUD is PG-rated (Parental Guidance) in my very humble opinion. But if you can't trust the Goddess of Chastity, who can you trust?


LM has an economic system that is sustained by player-run Guilds. It is a novel system that deals with the "problem" of memory taken up by the gradually rotting corpses of monsters laid waste by rampaging players. Corpses and other useless items are processed into raw material (for alcohol), food and coffee that are sold back to the players (at the end of the line) by pubs.

Guilds are entirely player-run although some of their business is regulated by the Guild Overseer Wizard (otherwise known as Zor, of no relation to Zarathustra). Although guild business in the past consisted of covert, shady deals between guildmasters and much wheeling, dealing and backstabbing, nowadays competition has largely died down and guilds co-exist quite happily in a post-Barney world. 

Players deposit their corpses at their choice of grocer guild and donate anything from fine swords to purple wigs and platform shoes for the manufacture of food and coffee units as well as "raw material" for the production of alcohol. There is often (un)healthy competition between the two guilds to push their bells or flingers onto wary newbie players and much philosophical debate rages on about whether one should "ring or fling".
Õ Herbal Life Grocers
Õ Dragon Slayers

These guilds grow yeast from the raw material that they buy from grocer guilds. They are generally quite boring "backroom boys" who stay well out of the limelight. 
£ Beer Brokers
£ Budwiser

The distillers distill the yeast they buy from the breweries and then sell these units in varying strengths to pubs who require them for making alcoholic drinks. There aren't many distillers around but those who play tend to do quite a good job just silently keeping the economy running.
¥ Moonshiners
¥ Acme

The end of the line as far as the LM "economic cycle" goes, pubs sell alcohol, grub and frothy lattes back to the player population. They also strive to provide a sociable environment for players to hang out in if they don't feel like slaughtering goblins or saving the LM world from invading stormtroopers. If you fancy a game of Yahtzee, darts or want to put your pheremone levels to the test on the infamous Love Tester, the pub is the best place to head for.
- Safe House 
(I was master of this guild 1993-1996. Check out my very own drink - the GlenArtemis Single Malt)
- Cocktails
- The Alchemists

LustyMUD, despite what its name suggests, is not a terribly risque place by any standards. It was dubbed Wings when it started off in 1989 which would have condemned it to a lifetime of banal mediocrity until Lusty took it over and renamed it. It is an LP-MUD based in the USA with a hotch potch of themes with no definite timeline. Gameplay is almost ludicrously simple, without the confusing and sophisticated array of spells and skills in more recent MUDs that no doubt require so much brainpower for the average mudder that they neglect everything from their diets to their Personal Hygeine in pursuit of Godhood and yet more spells. In spite of this deceptive simplicity, the boundless creativity of LM's wizards, its sense of humour, its deep character and the spirit of its players are what still attracts me to this MUD. Well, and not to mention the fact that they have made me a Senior Wizard, which obliges me to be seen Idle on the MUD often.

a brief history...
LM is an LP-MUD that is close to my heart since it was the first MUD I seriously played in. It was Dec 9 1992 when I first tentatively logged onto the shores of Stormhaven and was promptly enlisted in a "party" by Elon and dragged across the continents battling mosquitoes and trolls. But the most significant thing that happened to me that day was stumbling into a Cocktails bar and discovering its tireless jukebox that belted out Rolling Stone lyrics. The extent of which the tacky meretriciousness of real life had infiltrated this fantasy world was deeply intriguing. And then I wandered into a Safe House bar, sat down and was immediately lured into the shady world of espionage by a trenchcoat-wearing Agent who spoke of a moose basking in the moonlight. What could have been more romantic to an engineering student? And I was a vulnerable undergraduate at the time desperate for distractions from lengthy lectures on Cauchy's Theorem, and I found the call irresistable? Hence began my long association with LM.

who runs it?
The current Sages of LM are Rubio, Larovjad and Zor. Rubio runs the MUD from a machine based somewhere near Chicago, IL in the USA. 

Previous owners of LM include Moose, Berhan and Lusty (who gave it its name and rescued it from the scrapheap at Dartmouth College). The MUD started in 1989 and has changed many hands since then but its popularity has not waned significantly since its days of glory in the early 90's. Its player base is largely American although there are also players from the UK, Finland, Australia, Canada, Mexico, Singapore and others and no one has yet failed to find a niche somewhere in its innumerable facets and corners.

Get the facts at the Official LustyMUD Website.

Go there for LPC documentation, game rules and all the other bits and bobs about LM that you don't find here. Oh, and don't miss the player mugshots... they are scary alright!!! :)
The Wizard Storyboard
Catch up on the latest goings-on in the Neverending Story, LM's very own wizard-penned thriller novel/soap opera! Updated in REAL TIME!


The Teepee

This used to be an inane and mostly incomprehensible webzine run by Billyjack and I that is now defunct (well, we both forgot the Geocities password) so here are some of the articles that won us our faithful readership.

Dear Beejay
Lovelorn advice or just expert help for your pet's tapeworms? Look no further than Beejay's expert advice column. We regret that no new letters will be answered as Beejay is now pursuing a new career as a School Bus.

An Interview with Billyjack
An exclusive chat with the Woolly Squaw about what makes her tick.... as well how she deals with the ticks in her lush coat.


When I became a wizard in 1998, I decided to pay homage to Berhan (who made my favourite area in LM) by coding a jungle-themed area myself. Indeed what makes LM different from other MUDs is how its wizards are given free rein to be as creative (or not!) as possible and this has resulted in areas drawing from mythology and cinema and contemporary literature and media.... not even Dilbert nor Xena have been left out.

My favourite LM areas (and coders) are:

? Pygmy Jungle
Berhan created this complex tropical jungle in the mid-90s and soon the entire LM grapevine was reverberating with whispers about the secret powers of the spirit world that lay within the depths of the pygmy jungle. The rumour was that you could leave your MUD-ly body and become a spirit without dying, enter the spirit realm and slay spirits of long-dead monsters. The aura of mystery was palpable, and along with the quest for Primal Fire (which only Skywarp has ever solved), this area captivated my imagination for a very long time. 

But the real coding coup was the Tank Game where Artemis became the first female Tank Commander to be listed in the Top 10 (natch!). You could take command of a tank and by travelling around terrain of your choice, you could take on dummy tanks, a player opponent or two computer-controlled opponents who proved a considerable challenge. This is what persuaded me to nominate Berhan as my all-time favourite LM coder.

? The Underworld
There are many underworlds in LM but one whose secrets continue to be unveiled by hardcore players and puzzle-solvers even today is Thanatos' rich and demanding area. The only little quibble I have with this area is its descriptions which I find a bit overwrought, but the coding is exceptional and Thanatos shows great imagination in creating weaponry and armour that are much sought-after despite the immense difficulties involved in getting them.

Thanatos has also spent a lot of time improving and revamping other wizards' areas, most notably Forkbeard's Swamp where Artemis once keeled over rather ignominiously after having her spell points sucked out of her by a leech.

ô The Cleric Guild
Larovjad is a hugely prolific coder who now spends most of his time making utilities for wizards or idling as most Sages do in their various stages of senile dementia. He has large tracts of "land" in both continents but I think his most major coding contribution is the Cleric Guild. Its not a guild in the conventional sense of the word, but rather more like a "class" that a player can belong to as well as an economic guild. Once initiated in the guild, a player can earn more and more innovative and useful spells by rising through the cleric levels, providing a useful incentive for accumulating experience points.

ó Rubio's Maze
This hasn't been released yet and Rubio's current area (woods) full of strange fauna that keep dashing in and out is not exactly alluring to anyone except the most ardent corpse-hunters. However when this is released, it'll amaze players in its attempt to create graphics in an all-ASCII text world. It is Wizardry I right down to the '|'. By the time it is open to players, I doubt any players alive would even remember Wizardry I. So hurry up, Rubes.

LM Player Websites

If you play LM and you want your website listed here, please e-mail me and let me know your URL. Alternatively, mail Artemis in the MUD! Obviously I am not obliged to post a link up if I deem it inappropriate or tasteless so no pictures of naked llamas please. I am not responsible for the content of any of these sites. 
Billyjack   Cherokee   Pegax Uglybass
      Moosenose Rofocale Wanderer


I tend to look for a good sense of humour and lots of creativity and detail in my favourite LM areas. What about you then?

Artemis' Very Own LM Area

My whole area is based in a tropical jungle but has many themes all strung along this same thread. This area has been coded in 3 separate segments, starting with the Taki village in 1998 and moving on into deeper jungle and far more intriguing territory.

Ways of Escape: The Taki Village
The Taki people have established quite a neat little civilisation, a quiet and peaceful agricultural community that dabbles occasionally in magic but mostly concerns itself with overtaking Hong Kong in the manufacture of plastic trinkets and other junk. They are a peaceable folk and quite amenable to visitors to their tidy village. The vast turnip fields are a joy to behold. However, think twice before you take a swim in the stream -- the rapids have been known to claim careless lives.

The Power And The Glory: The Hutus
The Hutus are far less amiable to their guests but don't underestimate their intelligence just because they gibber unintelligibly at you and wear silly grass skirts. There is a team of British archaeologists out here searching for the Lost Temple - can you find it before they do? And will you fall in love with the aromatic Hutu Princess Radha?

The Man Within: The Underwater Temple
This has been rumoured to exist - a long-flooded portion of the greater Temple of Lost Hope. The tomb of Pahlawan the Warrior is said to be in this sunken portion. He is likely to have been buried with many treasures, but can you really stand having water go up your nose?

The End of The Affair: The Temple of Lost Hope
Indeed this is the grand Hutu temple erected to their many pagan gods that most people find most difficult to conquer. Its many secrets are hidden dark and deep within its crumbling walls but even gaining entry requires a degree of skill and cunning beyond the average player. However, Awang the Hutu Guard is not very smart.... and even priests wielding spears can be outwitted.

The Mysterious Wama
The lost Wama tribe of priests and priestesses have long eluded leading explorers and scientists, but here is your chance to find the isolated island where the tribe is rumoured to thrive, and even join the magic Circle of Odiku. Join the elite few and enhance your magical skills and spells!

Tanah Merah
Tanah Merah is an old and crumbling colonial settlement in the depths of the steaming jungle. The cultivation of food crops is the main occupation of the townsfolk, and you may find the thought of growing and cooking your own food rather compelling. This is certainly a town that warrants more than a superficial bus tour.

If you're wondering about UK-based MUDs and why I don't play them, well I've dipped my toes in a few and tend to avoid them because the overwhelming majority of UK mudders tend to be somewhat strange - male, undergraduate, averse to daylight and deodorant, with a vicious taste for the plangent, existential wails of mop-headed fellow depressives they call "music". They also tend to have little or no grasp on reality and spend their lives wallowing in pubs. Or perhaps I've just described the typical Brit undergraduate? 


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